dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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