Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
