I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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