I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
