Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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