good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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