I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Alive.
So much puke
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
