at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
