He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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