$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
