look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
