I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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