well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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