I wish I only lived at night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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