Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize