So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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