I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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