Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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