I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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