apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize