I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
