ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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