dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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