you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
