i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
