Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
