i came on her dog
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
