why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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