I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
