i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
