She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
