Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
