awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
