Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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