I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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