Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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