The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
