They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
