So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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