I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
