I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize