I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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