i wish my penis had a tongue
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
