Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
