If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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