I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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