you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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