id be glad to
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
