weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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