You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
