dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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