You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
