Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
