His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
