Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just found a bag of teeth...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
