Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
