Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's just like the Real World with babies
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
