I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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