my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
