Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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