I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
